Since the release of my debut novel, often times I get asked if I have any personal connection to my story.
The answer is yes and no. I poured a lot of myself into my story. A lot of what has happened to me during this thing called life. I wrote what I knew about. I wrote to have a moral to a story. To have an ending that I can make happen. I ultimately wanted to inspire others. It’s been a long and trying journey (but whose hasn’t been, right?) and I’m happy to say, I’ve made the most of the hand I’ve been dealt. I am blessed to have everything I do in my life now. I have no doubt the unconditional love I’ve received from those closest to me, is the exact reason why I’m able to speak so freely and openly.
But…back to the topic at hand. Heartbreak as a positive. When you give all of yourself to someone, you set yourself up to be vulnerable. You are ultimately setting yourself up to have a huge gaping hole right in the middle of your chest… if the person you’ve entrusted it to isn’t worthy of it. Now I know this sounds extremely girly and ridiculously over dramatic, but it’s true…
I was told once: “If you’re ever going to truly love me, you’re going to have to be open to me breaking your heart.” —> I sort of got it at the time, but never did I think about how true those words would become. There’s absolute truth behind that simple statement. To really love someone means to surrender a part of yourself. I’m sure you’re thinking at this point, What is this chick getting at already? To that I say:
My point is this. Everyone at some point in their lives has experienced some form of heartbreak. It could be in a relationship or marriage, it could be by a family member or close friend, hell it could even be by your dog (yes I said dog). It affects us all differently. Sometimes, we want to sit and cry in a hole. Sometimes, we want to tell everyone we’ve ever met at that exact moment just how shitty this last turn at life was. Sometimes, we want to smoke three packs of cigarettes a day and not eat, but cry, for days on end. Shit just happens man. BUT (there is a but) how we choose to move on and grow from these heartaches is what makes us who we are.
- Wallow in self pity if you need to. Sometimes junk food and crappy “D” list movies on your couch, whilst in your pajamas for days, are entitled dammit.
- If a drunken stupor with your girls or buds is needed, DO IT. You’re hangover should be enough to keep that behavior reeled in.
- Have a bonfire and burn everything you need to help “cleanse” your system. (Make sure to have good friends around, just in case they know you better than you know yourself. They’ll know what you will and won’t regret once your head is clear.)
- CRY. If you need to have some earth shattering, heart wrenching, hella ugly cries. Do work. You would be surprised at how much better you’ll feel once you’ve had a good ugly cry. (You too bros, don’t act like you can’t cry because it’s not manly. I mean it’s not but if it’s not a perpetual habit, do you.)
- MOVE ON <—That will probably be the most helpful. So you’ve cried, talked and exhausted all options. Is your heart still on the mend? YES. Of course it is, but take this time to learn about you. Learn your likes and dislikes. Things that make you happy, Things you’re good at. Find hidden talents and explore them. Have beer and football nights or Wine and classic movie nights (This is my favorite monthly ritual with my girls). Get out of the house. Go running. Join a dance class. FIGURE YOU OUT.
It doesn’t sound like rocket science does it? Well it’s not. Realistically, what you will need is patience. Time may not heal all wounds, but it will help in the healing process. You would be surprised at what you find out about yourself, once you are willing to really learn who you are.
Truthfully, I’m still a work in progress but, I would’ve never known I had it in me to publish a book or call myself an author (Still unreal!), or to perform slam poetry. I wouldn’t even know that I knew how to write poems. Self discovery lovelies. That’s what it’s all about. And if you are happy and in the best relationship of your life, and you have a family and little ones you love. To that I say BRAVO! But always remember to still keep on discovering things about yourself. If you want to be better for you partner, do it because you are inspired to, not because you feel it’s a necessity to keep it going.
If you’ve read all of that and are still with me, I would like to say thank you! I will be gifting TWO SIGNED PAPERBACKS this Friday! All you have to do is leave a comment letting me know your thoughts to the above posting<3
**I will pick winners this Friday with a blog post stating who won. Good luck!!!🙂 ***