Using heartbreak as a positive….

Since the release of my debut novel, often times I get asked if I have any personal connection to my story.

The answer is yes and no. I poured a lot of myself into my story. A lot of what has happened to me during this thing called life. I wrote what I knew about. I wrote to have a moral to a story. To have an ending that can make happen. I ultimately wanted to inspire others. It’s been a long and trying journey (but whose hasn’t been, right?) and I’m happy to say, I’ve made the most of the hand I’ve been dealt. I am blessed to have everything I do in my life now. I have no doubt the unconditional love I’ve received from those closest to me, is the exact reason why I’m able to speak so freely and openly.

But…back to the topic at hand. Heartbreak as a positive. When you give all of yourself to someone, you set yourself up to be vulnerable. You are ultimately setting yourself up to have a huge gaping hole right in the middle of your chest… if the person you’ve entrusted it to isn’t worthy of it. Now I know this sounds extremely girly and ridiculously over dramatic, but it’s true…

I was told once: “If you’re ever going to truly love me, you’re going to have to be open to me breaking your heart.” —> I sort of got it at the time, but never did I think about how true those words would become. There’s absolute truth behind that simple statement. To really love someone means to surrender a part of yourself. I’m sure you’re thinking at this point, What is this chick getting at already?  To that I say:

ImageSee what I did there?? :)

My point is this. Everyone at some point in their lives has experienced some form of heartbreak. It could be in a relationship or marriage, it could be by a family member or close friend, hell it could even be by your dog (yes I said dog). It affects us all differently. Sometimes, we want to sit and cry in a hole. Sometimes, we want to tell everyone we’ve ever met at that exact moment just how shitty this last turn at life was. Sometimes, we want to smoke three packs of cigarettes a day and not eat, but cry, for days on end. Shit just happens man. BUT (there is a but) how we choose to move on and grow from these heartaches is what makes us who we are.

  1. Wallow in self pity if you need to. Sometimes junk food and crappy “D” list movies on your couch, whilst in your pajamas for days, are entitled dammit.
  2. If a drunken stupor with your girls or buds is needed, DO IT. You’re hangover should be enough to keep that behavior reeled in.
  3. Have a bonfire and burn everything you need to help “cleanse” your system. (Make sure to have good friends around, just in case they know you better than you know yourself. They’ll know what you will and won’t regret once your head is clear.)
  4. CRY. If you need to have some earth shattering, heart wrenching, hella ugly cries. Do work. You would be surprised at how much better you’ll feel once you’ve had a good ugly cry. (You too bros, don’t act like you can’t cry because it’s not manly. I mean it’s not but if it’s not a perpetual habit, do you.)
  5. MOVE ON <—That will probably be the most helpful. So you’ve cried, talked and exhausted all options. Is your heart still on the mend? YES. Of course it is, but take this time to learn about you. Learn your likes and dislikes. Things that make you happy, Things you’re good at. Find hidden talents and explore them. Have beer and football nights or Wine and classic movie nights (This is my favorite monthly ritual with my girls). Get out of the house. Go running. Join a dance class. FIGURE YOU OUT. 

It doesn’t sound like rocket science does it? Well it’s not. Realistically, what you will need is patience. Time may not heal all wounds, but it will help in the healing process. You would be surprised at what you find out about yourself, once you are willing to really learn who you are.

Truthfully, I’m still a work in progress but, I would’ve never known I had it in me to publish a book or call myself an author (Still unreal!),  or to perform slam poetry. I wouldn’t even know that I knew how to write poems. Self discovery lovelies. That’s what it’s all about. And if you are happy and in the best relationship of your life, and you have a family and little ones you love. To that I say BRAVO! But always remember to still keep on discovering things about yourself. If you want to be better for you partner, do it because you are inspired to, not because you feel it’s a necessity to keep it going.

NOW…………………………………………

If you’ve read all of that and are still with me, I would like to say thank you! I will be gifting TWO SIGNED PAPERBACKS this Friday! All you have to do is leave a comment letting me know your thoughts to the above posting<3

**I will pick winners this Friday with a blog post stating who won. Good luck!!! :) ***

42 thoughts on “Using heartbreak as a positive….

  1. After my first hearbreak, I used #1-4 for a L-O-N-G time. It took several months for me to get to #5. But it happened. And I learned from his mistakes, as well as mine. Heartbreak is an inevitable part of life. Like Guns ‘N Roses said “All you need is a little patience”. :) Thanks for the giveaway!

  2. Apple dumpling it is like i said yesterday, “Its not the circumstances we find ourselves in that define us, its how we overcome them that do.”
    ALWAYS remeber it is what we learn from our mistakes that make us who we are today an forever will be. Yet keep your head up an be strong. MUAH!!!
    Tammy

  3. Melissa,
    Well said, I would love to have a SIGNED paperback from you and it fits in my favorite collections of my books included Collide,Disastrious/Cautious,Running on Empty/Recovery, Slammed Series and many more………. ;)

  4. I think this should be printed an handed to every girl on her 13th birthday….I have nieces that im sending over to read this!!!…..
    ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

  5. Yes I agree with you I was in love and married my soul mate for 25 yrs and he just stumped all over my heart but a year and a half later I’m still carrying on with the love of my children and I’m not going to put my heart out there again been there done that and now I’m living my life through books I’m ashamed to say I haven’t read your book but I will

    • I’m so sorry to hear that Shirley. You have your kids and that’s a wonderful thing ❤️ keep on keeping on. You never know you could be swept off your feet yet ;)

      Don’t be ashamed! There are so many wonderful books out there! If you get around to it, I hope you enjoy ❤️

  6. Thank you so much for the reminders! I sooo needed this right now! I am dealing with a very recent heart break. I’m on 1&4 right now. I fell for my best guy friend and got burned.

  7. Love sucks sometimes and like you said time heals some wounds! I believe things happen for a reason because there’s something greater to come. Always move forward and never dwell on the past! Thanks for a chance to a paperback! <3 your morning qoutes! :)

  8. Thanks for posting this! It’s very inspiring. I had a very verbally abusive relationship and it really wears at your self esteem but I finally ddivorced him and have been in a wonderful relationship for the last 9 years. Ours is a very healthy relationship but the trust took time even now I still question when he says kind words to me.
    Thank you!!

  9. I agree. Heartbreak is part of life. Love your post!!! I did a lot of number 4 when I first got my heartbroken. I wish I did all 1-4. Getting to 5 was a long process, and now that I think about it… Some of the tears I shed wasn’t worth it. I didn’t like getting my heart broken. Who does? But if anything, it made me a stronger person. :)

  10. You are brilliant. Thank you so much for writing this post. Your tips are deceptively simple, and if I had read this blog post pre-breakup, I would have scoffed. But in my own healing process, I’ve found myself doing all of these things, although it took me awhile to give myself permission to cry and to focus on me. I’m still broken but on my way to recovery. Thank you!

    • Thank you so much for your kind words! Had I read a post like this pre-break up, I probably would’ve done the same :) I’m glad to hear you’re in recovery! If you ever need to chat or vent, you know where to find me!

  11. Well Melissa your words hit home on a lot of things for me, and YOU my dear have reminded me that I need not give up finding me, and that I have to be 100% on board with myself before I can live fully. I have kids, and will soon be calling 3 of my nephews mine as well- YEP 6 kids will be in my care O.O I am also married, for 9 years now, and together with him for 16…..UPS & DOWNS are a way of life, otherwise it would be no fun!

    So very glad that I’ve gotten to read your book and get to know you via FB!!

    • Sammy, I’m glad they hit home for you. (in the positive ways of course!) and yes! You always have to find things for you that YOU love doing. It’s fun to make new discoveries and some of those discoveries can be brought to the SIX (?!?!?) in your care! God bless you for taking that on <3

      I'm so glad i've gotten to know you as well!

      • Thanks! Yes, 6 kids…I have 3 of my own and we are in the process of adopting 2 of my nephews in the next few months and then my oldest nephew hopefully before years end. They got a crappy hand dealt to them and I am thankful that I can provide them with a safe/soft landing and offer them a new deck of cards.

        I may be in a straight jacket and padded room soon, but just mount up a big tablet screen for me to continue to be able to read :)

      • Hahah i love that Sammy! That’s so wonderful! I commend you and have so much respect for you. It’s a wonderful thing you’re doing <3 they are blessed to have you!

  12. 1st of all… You know I want/ would love a signed paperback!
    2nd of all… Your move me daily with your words! You bring me to laughter, tears, you inspire me to be a stronger happier version of me!
    You make me smile!! Thank You! xo

  13. Kuddos to you for turning a negative into a positive and congrats again on the great book!! I would totally love a signed copy. :)

  14. I think your post is TRUE for alot of us! I know I have done 1-5 MANY times in my life and you know what? It has only made me a stronger person inside and out. I have suffered through TONS of heartache in my life between my family being torn apart, losing friends who I thought were REAL and having my heart handed to me by the guy who promised me forever. Your words are True when you said you are still a work in progress, we all are, that is what makes us human <3 Thank You for pouring your heart and soul out for us and allowing us to see inside of you a bit. <3

    • Thankfully, I haven’t had MANY, but once can sometimes be enough ;)…I understand, friends hurt just as bad. I’ve come across so many that didn’t know the true meaning of it and you’re right we do just get stronger and strong!….Aww, thank YOU for take the time to read <3

  15. Love this post! We’ve all been through tough crap at some point or another, but it truly is good friends that can help you through the other side a lot quicker! I’ve tried doing it the hard way – on my own – a few times, but good, true friends make everything easier!xx

  16. Are you living inside my brain?lol

    A huge YES to everything that you wrote.
    I’m still learning how to be vulnerable again. It’s like that game you play with a light.. you stick your hand as close as you can to the flame before pulling back. I’m still scared to get close to the flame BUT I recently met someone who is making me think I just might want to jump right in. We’ll see :)

  17. I agree with everything you wrote. I saw how awful my mom felt after my dad left her and it prevented me from letting people too close when I was growing up. I always said that if I loved someone it gave them the ability to hurt me. I didn’t fully let anyone in until I met my husband. I liked other guys before him, but never really “loved” them because I didn’t want them to have that power over me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s